You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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