i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
