One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
