when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
