thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
