Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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