birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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