I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
