His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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