I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
