Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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