Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
