I'm lost and stupid without you.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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