So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
