Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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