went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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