Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
did you just send me my own nude
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
