im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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