It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
