i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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