she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
