he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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