I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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