So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize