She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
