i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
