she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
