Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
