so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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