i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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