sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
