I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize