remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
