I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
