I wish life had little blips of pornography
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
