Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
