just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
