I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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