where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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