Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
