Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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