My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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