dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
