Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
