You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
