Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
