you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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