Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
