brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
