no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
