Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
