Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you never un-have a 4some
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