The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize