Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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