he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
