She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
