I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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