last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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