Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
