i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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