i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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