just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
