He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
