Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Randomize
