dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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