my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
