my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
