yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
