Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He better not be in your backpack
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
