Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize