she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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