Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
