so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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